Do you think of your neighbors before you…
1. Send your kids out to play, unsupervised, on the front lawn, and let them shriek and scream for hours?
After all, kids will be kids. They’re only having fun, after all. You’re a parent. You are used to their noise. That ear-splitting scream doesn’t bother you. You are probably inside your house, having a nap, drinking a beer or watching a hockey game while your precious kid is driving your neighbor insane, making noises that sound like someone’s child is being tortured or murdered.
2. Put up that basketball goal right on the property line, under the neighbor’s kitchen or bedroom?
After all, kids have to play, right? And who doesn’t just LOVE the sound of a hard rubber ball being bounced on the pavement over and over and over and over for hours at a time, day after day?
3. Encourage your kids to play hockey in the common alley behind your neighbor’s garage? (And leave the boards behind that block the storm drain, that happens to cause said neighbor’s garden to flood when it rains.)
See number 2.
4. Go out for the night and leave your doggie behind with nothing to do but bark for hours uninterrupted ever time someone (including your neighbor) moves in their own front yard?
After all, that is whaty dogs do. Everyone loves dogs, don’t they?
5. (And this is my favorite, so I saved it for last). Fire up that 35cc smoke-belching, 140 decibel weed trimmer for a 90-minute nerve-flaying session in giving your lawn a German mustache? Then finish it off with the equally loud leaf blower?
After all, you simply must get that yard trimmed and edged quickly so you can get to your golf game, right? An electric edger or blower just wouldn’t be quick enough for you, would it, buddy? Of course, there’s also the fact that you’d have to spend, oh, another $100 for the electric models and there’s all that cord (or battery charging) to have to deal with <whine>. Plus, someone you usta know, about 20 years ago, had an electric thingy and you heard they just weren’t any good.
Never mind that battery and corded electric lawn tools have come a long, long way since then and can cut just as well, quickly and much more efficiently than those noise and smoke belching gasoline models. Never mind that you would NEVER, EVER have to tote dangerous cans of flammable liquids (or store them near your family). You would never, ever have to MAKE YOUR NEIGHBOR HATE YOU EVERY TIME YOU TRIM YOUR LAWN AGAIN.
Yes, dear neighbors, I hate you. I hate your maniacal screaming kids, your bouncing balls and most of all, your gasoline powered noise terrorizing weed machines.
Because of all that noise, I can’t go out into my own backyard on the weekends. I can’t garden, eat on my deck or enjoy my patio on the most beautiful days of spring. Every time I open the door, I am assaulted by an unholy cacaphony of unnatural sound that starts at 9 am on Saturday and continues without sursease until well after dusk on Sunday. As soon as one neighbor finishes his lawn, another starts up. It’s almost as if they have a schedule worked out.
I tried approaching the HOA. They scoffed at me. I tried approaching the neighbors individually. I got yelled at.
I’m getting a lawyer.
Once upon a time, land use laws permitting using your land as you wanted, but when we moved into crowded subdivisions, and your use impacted my enjoyment, you gave up some of that rights.
When your noise takes away my ability to go outside and enjoy my yard, I get to sue. See you in court.